Accepting Disappointments

In the midst of trying to get pregnant, we are in the process of buying a house. Today I found out, that the house we put in an offer in on, was rejected. This isn't our first rejection, but we felt we were closer than the other 4 offers we had put in because the bank wanted to know how much we wanted back in our closing costs. I would hate to think that we lost the house over a small amount. It's hard staying positive all the time, because I have gotten used to getting really excited over a house and facing the disappointment when we don't get it. I'm getting tired of all these disappointments. Who would have thought that buying a house was like trying to get me pregnant? Ups and downs, possibilities, and the feelings of failure. I hate feeling like I can't do something. I would have thought that with the failing economy, that houses would be more affordable. However, the areas that we are looking in are family friendly, high achieving school areas that have brought out the other couples who are looking for their starter home. I just feel like I am trying to set my life in motion to get the dream that I want and its not heading anywhere at all. I secretly feel that I would increase my positive thinking for the next round of IVF, if we had an accepted offer on a house. Maybe the universe would say "hey, they are really trying to set up their home for a baby and she's ready." I know that it sounds silly but that's what keeps me going.

I know I will get over this and move on to the next house, but I just feel like crap.

Welcome to the Ride

I have debated on whether or not I wanted to start a blog. My husband thought it would be a great idea to get my feelings out instead of taking them out on him. I have been coming down from the hormones from my failed IVF attempt in February. I've been a little short tempered lately and I know he has been putting up with my moods. As I look back, the IVF process went very smoothly and I was suprised on how well I was doing. The doctor told me that everything that looked "pretty good", until the day of the transfer, things looked bleak (10-15% chance of success). My eggs were rated poor. I have never been rated "poor" in my life, you see I have always pushed myself to be the best. I like many others began blaming myself and my husband kept reassuring me it would be ok. I hope it will be. I however reserve the right to rant and rave.

So now we are approaching being our second and last attempt at IVF. I am a little less excited than before, I don't look foward to the endless checking of our calendar, the blood tests (apparently I have no veins so I get stuck five to six times each time they need a sample) and all of those lovely shots. My husband sympathizes with me and tells me that it hurts him to give me the shots. I know its hard for him to hear me yelling when he hits a sensitive spot. However, through it all, we know that each shot gets us closer and closer to the transfer.